The other morning I discovered a study from the Australian National University, Good news about bad jobs that shows how being unemployed can be better for your overall health then having a bad job. This got me thinking… What is the making of a bad job?  Is it workplace bullying? Unsafe working conditions? Being over stressed or over worked? Too many meetings about nothing and not enough meetings about something?

What gets me… double entendre phrases in meetings.  They are so often counterproductive. What phrases do you hear in meetings or on sales calls that you know don’t mean what they are really saying?

1. “Take this offline”
Translation – “What you are speaking about doesn’t include my ideas. Because I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t want to look like a fool, I’d like to syphon your ideas from you outside this meeting.”

2. “My Perception”
Translation – “I’m too narrow-minded to think there are any other views other than mine.”
Translation 2 – “If I come up with something outrageous, I can use it shoot your idea down.”

3. “We’ll get it in Rev 2″
Translation – “I don’t see it as important. It ain’t gonna happen.”

4. “I think / feel”
Translation – “While the metrics are showing something pretty concrete… let’s just ignore them… my opinion is stronger.”

5. “You Know It’s Funny / It’s Interesting”
Translation – (No it’s not)  “Allow me to distract you and get your attention from what we were just talking about.”

6. “Let’s call a meeting / Out of the Loop / Circle the wagons”
Translation – “Let’s slow things down a bit until I get myself involved, as I haven’t been paying attention to the good work you’ve done to this point and I’m losing out on potential credit.”

7. “Quick Win”
Translation – “Why do it right, when we can just get anything out there – so what if they churn in a couple months.”

8. “Crank up the Google Juice”
Translation – “I don’t really know how Search Engine Optimization (SEO) works, but you’re responsible for turning this ‘mystical faucet’ up by EOB today.”

9. “Basically” (when in response to your explanation)
Translation – “Allow me to take all the detail and direction that I didn’t understand, ask everyone to erase what they just heard, and listen to my distilled statement that leans more in my direction instead.”

10. “What about this scenario”
Translation – “If a left handed blind guy, with lactose intolerance and a blue shirt on, uses ‘this’ on a Tuesday night in the middle of a rain storm during a full moon while sitting on his roof… you’re solution fails and therefore we should not entertain your idea.”

11. “Heavy Lifting”
Translation – “More work for you, just because I can.”

12. “Stakeholders / Political Buy-in”
Translation – “Doesn’t matter if the idea is good on its own merits, if you can’t complicate the matter by spending time and resources lobbying to people that don’t understand the real impact, how good could it possibly be?”

BONUS:  “We need to do what’s important / the right thing”
Translation – “While there is no real measurement here, if it fails, it was wrong, if it succeeds, it’s because months ago, I said we need to do the right thing… and we did on my watch.”

What are your “favorite” BS phrases? What do they really mean to you? How does it make your company suffer as a result? I hope you appreciate the humor and look forward to you adding your BS phrases below.

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